When I spoke today after Mass with my friend Rose who's a regular blogger, I realized that it had been almost a year since I updated this blog! Not a real shock, given all the other things that have been filling my time, but since I'm just starting to move into my comparatively "down" season at work, I decided to try to take the time to post more often. As an experienced blogger, she said that the key was to write short posts, and if I have something more to say, break it up into smaller installments. We'll see how writing concisely works for me. :-)
For some time now, I've sensed that my prayer life isn't where it should be. It's not that I'm not being faithful to prayer, but there's been a sense that the Lord might have more for me. I've asked Him to show me if this is just a "dry" time, or if it's something He wants to change.
Yesterday as I was praying, I brought it before Him again. What is it, Lord, that's keeping me from entering more deeply into a truly intimate relationship with You? This time, I sensed a response: "Lack of trust in Me." When I asked how to overcome that, I felt like I got an even clearer reply: "Surrender the future into My Hands."
I immediately recognized the truth of that in my life. The older that I get, the more I see things deteriorating both in me physically and around me in many other ways, the more that my mental energy has been consumed with thoughts and low-level anxiety about the future.
But how do I change these mental ruts? Yes, it's the grace of God, but how do I cooperate with that grace? More in a future post. (See, Rose, I listened! :-) )
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