Jesus, I trust in You for...

Along with handing the reins over to Jesus, I felt like He brought to mind the Divine Mercy prayer of St. Faustina, "Jesus, I trust in You." When the Holy Spirit helps me realize that my mind is going into a rut of anxiety about the future, hand the reins to Jesus for that person, situation, etc., and say to Him, "Jesus, I trust in You for ..."

Although this is still very new for me, I've found it to be very useful already. When concerns about my schedule try to intrude themselves into my thoughts at Mass: "Jesus, I trust in You for my schedule." When twinges happen and I wonder if its acid reflux or signs of heart trouble: "Jesus, I trust in You for my health." When I start thinking about looking for a new car in the midst of my Sunday when I can't do anything about it: "Jesus, I trust in You for my car."

A few months ago, I sensed the Lord saying to me, "You cannot trust Me too much." With the Lord's help, I hope that these strategies will enable me to apply that truth to specific areas of my life.

Lord, I know that You have a plan for every aspect of my life. Please keep helping me to trust in You for every area of my life. Amen.

Dropping the reins

A few months ago, I was considering whether the Lord Jesus wanted me to leave a particular situation that was challenging for me. As I was praying about it, I heard on Catholic Radio, WDEO, the testimony of a woman whose marriage had been spinning out of control because of her husband's alcoholism.

She had an image of herself driving a horse-drawn carriage whose horses had gotten spooked. They were bolting out of control and heading straight for a cliff. Her efforts to bring them into control were futile. She sensed the Lord whispering to her, "Drop the reins. Drop the reins." Just before hitting the edge of the cliff, she finally dropped the reins, and the horses suddenly stopped on their own.

Within the context of what I was praying about at the time, I felt the Lord was saying to me, "Don't leave, but let go." It hasn't been easy; it still isn't. Hyper-responsible first-born that I am, I'm always thinking that there's something I should be doing. But in the background, I sense the whisper, "Drop the reins. Drop the reins."

I'm realizing that this new call from the Lord to "Surrender the future into My Hands" is not new at all. It's just a new articulation of something He's been saying for a while. So it's no surprise that as I asked the Lord to help me to do that, one of the things He brought to mind was "Drop the reins." Or rather, imagine myself handing the reins to Jesus. Still not easy. But He already holds the future in His Hands. Why not acknowledge it and give Him the reins?

My dear Lord, You alone hold the future in Your Hands. Help me to cooperate with You by handing You the reins in every area of my life.

Trust and tongues of fire...

And there appeared to them tongues as of fire, distributed and resting on each one of them.--Acts 2:3 (RSV)

Isn't it interesting that the tongues of fire are always depicted as landing on the disciples' heads? And yet the verse in Acts doesn't actually say that. It simply says that they "rested on each of them."

I wonder if the tongues of fire actually rested on the part of each disciple that most needed to be purified? For some it might have been their mouths. For others, their eyes. For others, their hands. The Blessed Mother, with no need to be purified, would have simply received the Holy Spirit unimpeded into her body, soul, and spirit, from which it would have flashed out from within her to all those around her.

For me, the fire would definitely have landed on my head! So many of my battles are mental battles, and the trustful surrender of the future to the Lord is no exception. The old ruts need to be reworked, but so often I don't even realize that my mind has fallen into an old rut until my emotions are engaged, which makes it that much more difficult to break free mentally.

Holy Spirit, please, in Your mercy, send Your purifying fire into my mind. Help me to recognize the times when my mind goes into a rut by sending Your fire to alert me. Give me the grace to surrender the future, whatever it may be, to the flames, and grow in trust of You. Amen.

Taking time and trust

When I spoke today after Mass with my friend Rose who's a regular blogger, I realized that it had been almost a year since I updated this blog! Not a real shock, given all the other things that have been filling my time, but since I'm just starting to move into my comparatively "down" season at work, I decided to try to take the time to post more often. As an experienced blogger, she said that the key was to write short posts, and if I have something more to say, break it up into smaller installments. We'll see how writing concisely works for me. :-)

For some time now, I've sensed that my prayer life isn't where it should be. It's not that I'm not being faithful to prayer, but there's been a sense that the Lord might have more for me. I've asked Him to show me if this is just a "dry" time, or if it's something He wants to change.

Yesterday as I was praying, I brought it before Him again. What is it, Lord, that's keeping me from entering more deeply into a truly intimate relationship with You? This time, I sensed a response: "Lack of trust in Me." When I asked how to overcome that, I felt like I got an even clearer reply: "Surrender the future into My Hands."

I immediately recognized the truth of that in my life. The older that I get, the more I see things deteriorating both in me physically and around me in many other ways, the more that my mental energy has been consumed with thoughts and low-level anxiety about the future.

But how do I change these mental ruts? Yes, it's the grace of God, but how do I cooperate with that grace? More in a future post. (See, Rose, I listened! :-) )